Stand before your maker
by idaeae
Summary: Once upon a time there was a boy, Peter Pan who broke every rules, and did not care about good or bad. He decided not to grow up, so he did not forget how to use his imagination. He was the king of Neverland, his imaginary land. It was his fate to meet a very special girl, Wendy, the only other person in the universe who was just as powerful as him. If not more powerful than him...
1. Carry me off my feet

**A/N**: I guess it is an AU, though I think everything is possible theoretically. I also have to add, that English is not my, or my proofreader's native language, so if you find any serious mistakes, please let me know. Thank you!

Phase the first - Carry me off my feet

'Oh, it's wonderful...! Magic is the best thing in the world!' Bae was wrong, she thought. 'I knew it was an awesome idea to join you!' cried Wendy exultantly. The shadow made no answer. It barely spoke, so it was not surprising.

She couldn't help giggling while they were flying high up in the air over the dull, grey rooftops. It was a chilly November night, but she didn't care about the cold winds, she was stunned by the beauty of the dark blue canvas of the sky. It seemed to be so close to them as if she could pin down the wonderful bright stars and put them into her pocket. They were flying really fast, almost faster than light, she thought naively. She wasn't scared. The shadow held her hand firmly, and she felt safe. She wouldn't have been able to explain Bae, why, but she knew that the shadow would not hurt her.

As soon as they left the dim lights of the city behind, the shadow suddenly started to descend even higher in the air. They reached the world of winter clouds, heavy with snow. Her whole body began to shake after a few minutes up there. It was freezing cold, and she started to feel a bit tired, the monotonous white darkness made her drowsy. Bae's words started to echo in her head, but she tried to forget them. She did not move, it was only her heart that turned back towards her home as she recalled his words... The shadow at that very moment looked at Wendy, and gently pulled her closer to its body. Wendy startled a bit, but after she realized that it was trying to warm her up, she gave the creature a smile. Its body was surprisingly warm, as if the shadow just have left a hot chimney. Wendy soon fell asleep, and next time she opened her eyes, the shadow was already carrying her over a sunless sea. The shadow, seeing that she was awake, pointed with his free hand to the right. Wendy followed his glistening look, and what she saw, made her gasp immediately. She rubbed her eyes, to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

'Are we here? Neverland?' The shadow nodded. They were slowly approaching the island that emerged there from the misty water. It was mostly covered in a dark and wild rainforest, but somehow, it didn't scare her. It seemed tameless, but it still attracted her. She felt the presence of magic in her guts. When they reached the shores, another shadow joined them. It was carrying someone, too, a boy, not older than Wendy's little brother. She saw the terror in his blue eyes. He tried to escape, which was a very dangerous thing, as they were passing over edgy cliffs. She shouted at him:

'Calm down, or you'll fall down! They won't hurt you!'

The boy shook his head.

'They took my brother, and he never came back! I'm afraid!'

'Don't be! I'll be here' she smiled, but the shadow suddenly let go of her hand. She fell a few down metres to land on the cold, wet, sandy shore. 'Don't leave me! How will I find my way in the jungle?' cried Wendy, but they were gone. She looked around, but saw nothing except the dark forest and the raging sea, and she had to admit that for the first time, she was really frightened.

'I'll show you the way' the soft words echoed on the rocks. Way, way, way...

She turned her head quickly around to find who spoke to her. A tall boy in his early teens was leaning against a huge rock behind her. Wendy would have sworn it that there was nobody when she looked there three seconds before. But now this boy definitely was there, smirking at her. He wore a bit worn-out green shirt, tight brown pants, his arms were crossed, and he looked quite confident . He walked closer, and held out his left hand.

'Will you give me the honour of joining me for a walk, miss?'

She was still slightly shocked by the fact that she was just dropped down by the shadow without any explanation.

'Who are you?' she asked, not accepting his hand.

'Me? I am Peter. Peter Pan. Welcome to Neverland.' he smiled at her. He raised an eyebrow and looked at his hand. She grabbed it, and he helped her to stand up. 'What do you want to see first? The mermaids of the sea? Or the huge, flaming phoenixes?

She gasped.

'They exist?'

'Everything exists that you dare to think of.' smirked Peter, and pulled her into the dark jungle.

Wendy has lost the count of time on the island. After the unpleasant arrival, things have taken a turn for the better, and she started to enjoy herself. Peter led her to the camp where he and a gang of boys lived, in the heart of the dark jungle, near a stream that was referred to as 'Alph'. The hours seemed much longer to her than they were at home. Wendy even asked Peter about it sitting down next to him while trying to catch her breath after dancing and singing around the small bonfire for long hours. She loved the wild songs and dances, she was not able to do such things back in London. They were not proper for her...

'Oh, I think the sun is about set soon, now you're here.' said Peter enigmatically.

'What? I mean… Pardon?'

'Oh, just forget about manners, we do not care about them either.'

Peter still did not answer her question. He picked up his pipes, and was about to play something for the boys again, but Wendy gently held his hands down. He seemed a bit perplexed for a second, but he quickly changed back to his casual, arrogant look.

'You are hiding something from me.'

'You're a smart girl, Wendy. A bit too smart for-'

'For my own good? My father kept saying that! I thought that no one says something likes this here. Not on Neverland!'

Peter's eyes widened, and he smiled wildly:

'So now you feel it keenly! If it remains that way, we will have our night at last.'

He then turned his back to her, and started to play. He really did not

This boy was the eldest, and the most powerful on the island. Pan was the leader of the boys, seemingly only a few years older than them. It seemed to Wendy that he was the only one who had real control over magic in Neverland. It was curious. Back in London she thought that it is the shadow, who rules the island, yet it was rather only his servant.

The boys sometimes went for hunting, and when they came back, there was always a big feast with dancing. The boys were just shouting, wrestling, fighting, while Pan's music slyly leaked into their brain through their ears. This unearthly music inevitably amused and bemused her as well. She couldn't stop dancing for hours, and she only had time for her thoughts when the boys went into the woods again. She rarely slept, and was not able to tell, how long has she been on the island. It seemed days, or rather, weeks, but there were no nights to tell her, how much time has passed.

While the boys were hunting, she went for walks in the less wilder parts of the dark forest, singing, and collecting exotic flowers. These were girlish activities, as Pan said disparagingly. He was more and more rude to her as time passed. It seemed he was not happy having her in Neverland.

Many boys followed her wherever she went in spite of that. She taught them new songs and games, repaired their clothes, cut their hair. Most of them were really friendly, some liked to tease her, but almost everybody sought her attention, and only the older ones, Peter's close sidekicks, Rufio and Felix seemed to dislike her. The smaller boys kind of grew fond of her, they even gave her a nickname, Wendy bird, or Birdy because of her beautiful voice. Peter did not like that very much, but had no time for her. He had some important business to take care of, as he explained to the boys.

A few ships arrived at the shores of the island and Wendy saw pirates for the first time in her life. She hid on a tree and watched the boys talk to them. They were Pan's allies, so they came in peace, but their faces frightened her. Most of them wore beards, were loud and grim looking, except their leader, a ruggedly handsome young man. He spoke with Pan alone while some of his men were playing mock sword fight with the boys. It was tiring to sit on the branch without movement, so after a while, she was thinking about climbing down. Maybe they won't notice her… she reached the ground without making any noise, but when she tried to run, a hooded figure stood in her way. Wendy stiffened. A pirate!

'Who are you, little bird?' said the pirate in a very kind voice, and stepped closer to her. Now she saw his face… or… rather hers?

'I am Wendy.' she said in a wobbly voice. The pirate was a… woman. She looked like her mother, but there was something in her that make her wild, and more interesting. What was she doing with these strange men?

She held out her hand to shook hers.

'And I am Milah. Nice to meet you.' she chuckled when she followed her look. 'They are all bark no bite.'

'What are you doing with them? Did they kidnap you?'

'I could ask the same.' she blushed. 'Why is it so strange to see a female pirate? I see a Lost girl here...'

'I am not lost. I have a family. I just… I uh-'

'It's okay, you do not need to apologize. You know, everybody has their own family. And it is okay not to be with them if you seek another life.' she smiled, but her eyes were sad. Maybe she was trying to give strength to herself too.

Somebody, most likely the handsome captain, called out her name. She put her hands on Wendy's rosy cheeks. 'You seem a tough little girl. Always be like that. Never give up on your dreams.' Wendy sighed, and hugged the woman. She was a bit surprised but she seemed extremely happy.

'Thank you.' mouthed Milah, and after a minute of hesitation, she joined the pirates. They were heading that way, and Wendy did not want to meet them, so she tried to hide, but Peter stopped her.

'Where were you all the time?'

'Here, on the tree.' He raised his left eyebrow.

'What were you saying to Killian's mistress?'

'Mistress? Nothing...' she mumbled. He gave her a long stare, and then left her without saying anything.

Wendy became a bit afraid of him after a short while. He was a boy for hundreds, or thousands of years, at least the other boys told her so. Was he evil? Wendy would not say such thing. This land had different laws, Peter Pan's laws, and Wendy just tried to accept them, without judging. He was a very special boy. If he was kind, it seemed to be only an accident, if he was cruel, it was just the same. He did not seem to know what was good and what was evil, or he just did not care about it. He was phlegmatic, and self-assured. The boys idolized him. She was also attracted to him in a way, and she would have never admitted this to herself, but… she adored his smile. It was appalling and appealing at the same time. He never really smiled at her, though.

He barely showed his smile to her, unfortunately. He hated her songs, her stories, her girlish games and her flowers. He hated her as well, she thought.

During a meal, the singing of one exact love song, that was about Echo and Narcissus, made Pan unduly angry. He jumped up the table and shouted at her, much to the delight of Rufio, who never really understood Pan's motives in bringing her to Neverland.

'Enough of these silly stories! Boys do not like them! They are as boring… as boring as you!' she went red. She was not boring... and her stories were wonderful! Everybody loved to hear them. Fairy tales and ancient myths... How could he mark these as boring? He did not care about her feelings. He continued. 'Never talk about that stupid stuff again! Love and kissing and…bleagh!'

Some boys chuckled at this. Kissing was grown-up thing. It was very interesting, but it made them blush. And what made them uncomfortable, did not live long on Neverland. Especially not when their leader was against it.

She didn't say a word. Tears started to roll down her pale face, as she looked at Peter. Peter smirked, rolled his eyes impatiently, jumped off the table, and pushed his face as close to hers as it was possible without touching it.

'Come on, defend yourself! Crying is really… unmanly-'

'That's maybe because I am a girl in case you haven't noticed!' she cried angrily. 'Why did you let that shadow bring me here if you did not want it?'

'Well, well.' said Peter absently, and turned away. Rufio raised an eyebrow, so he pulled himself together. He suddenly squared his shoulders, and said:

'It must have been a mistake. You can go back in the morning.' he almost left, when Rufio suddenly cleared his throat.

'But we all know, that there are neither nights, nor mornings since she's here, Pan.' said Rufio provocatively.

'Well spotted' replied Peter crossly. 'What would I do without you?'

Rufio snorted. Peter left him standing and disappeared.

That was definitely an interesting suggestion, it made everyone think. It may have not been because of her... but still, it was her who changed Neverland in a very short time. Peter was not stupid, he noticed it, so did the other boys who had memories of older times, they knew that it was something very, very strange.

Everyone linked this to her arrival. Though Wendy wasn't the only newcomer, she involuntarily attracted the attention of most of the Lost boys, as they called themselves. After all, she was the only girl on the island she knew of. But why? So puzzling. Wendy did not get any proper explanations for that. Pan wasn't somebody who would make mistakes, more importantly, he wasn't one who would admit making them, so she just had no idea. He must have had something in mind when he sent the shadow exactly for her, and not for her little brothers. She was trying hard to speak to Peter, and ask him this question again, when they were alone. She thought that he would give an honest answer if nobody was to be with him except her. Somehow the boy escaped her every time she went near him, and after a while, he never let Rufio or Felix leave him. They made him even harder to approach, so she just gave it up and went back to normal, what meant that she wasn't trying to find Pan. She did not look at him, or followed him any longer. She knew something somewhere deep. He had a story and definitely had an explanation, and some day he may tell her about it.

One day, or actually, later that long, long day one of the younger boys run to her and wreathed his arms around her waist. She spent a lot of time with these boys. She even called them the dwarfs, and they found it funny, so this nickname stuck on them.

'Come, Wendy! We made you a surprise!'

It was Owen with an over-excited smile on his rosy face.

'Wait a minute, my dear dwarf, I was just about to-'

'Please, please... we worked a lot on it!'

She acquiesced when she saw his sweet face, and followed the boy. The boys loved her more and more, they followed her everywhere. She represented an another power. If Pan had magic of the material kind… she had imaginative magic. If he had music and games, she had words and stories. He took them hunting, she washed the blood of their hands. These boys needed both. And Pan was jealous of her.

Wendy was stunned by the gift. The boys built a small treehouse for her near their camp. She had to held her tears back while climbing up the ladder. These little boys were really like little dwarves, and she was their Snow White. As she saw the neatly decorated room and sat down on the huge, soft bed in the middle of the room, she immediately burst out in tears.

'Why are you sad?' asked Owen.

'I knew she won't like it, it is rubbish!' cried another boy. 'We shouldn't have spent all our time here-'

'No, you're mistaken. I am sorry, I am only crying because it is…' she sniffled, and wiped off her hot tears. The sun was setting down, but they did not notice it. 'It is probably the best gift I ever had. You are awesome, boys, and this house is very beautiful. Come here...' beamed Wendy at the boys and held out her arms. After a long moment of hesitation, all the boys stepped closer and hugged her tightly. After she calmed down and stopped crying, she asked them to stay for a while and listen to a story she wanted to share with them.

'It is a story that my mother read me just a few nights before I left.' she said, when all the boys have settled.

'What happened to her? Did she leave you or-'

'Well… no. I left.'

The boys were confused. It was Owen, who opened his mouth before the others.

'You mean… it was not her who left you?'

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Wendy felt an urge to break it but was not sure what to say.

'Uh...no. So you mean... all of you are orphans or were left by your parents?'

'Is there a difference?' asked Owen. 'We had nobody, now we have each other, Peter, and… you.'

Wendy nodded. She felt a bit guilty and ashamed after hearing these words. For the first time she clearly remembered her mother's and her little brothers' faces. She wasn't lost, she was lucky, had a caring, maybe sometimes too caring and protective, family, and she threw it away. She hated herself for not wanting to go back… she liked it here much better. She felt free, she was important, she felt responsible for these children, even for Peter…. and. Yes. Here she did not have any seizures, rules, she was not closed up in her small room all day, she could do whatever she wanted. It was like a dream. Still, she couldn't stay here, because she was not good enough for Pan. She sighed. She noticed, how the sky was getting darker and darker every second. It was almost night. She knew that in the morning she would have to leave Neverland. There was not much time left, she wanted to make these boys remember her.

The night had its impact on the boys. She guessed they were silent and sad because they thought about their own past and memories. Some of them almost started to cry, too. The dark crept into their hearts. It is always the night when homesickness is the most powerful. Maybe because when it is dark, every place looks like the other, it is only you, alone, to decide, where you would want to be.

'I think I remember my dad...' said one Lost boy.

'Yeah, me too. He was a good man, he had a long laser sword and a beard. He got into trouble… my mother died because of him. And then he had to go away... He said he is coming after me, and will find me wherever I be, but he never did.' sighed Owen.

'What is laser?' asked Wendy, but nobody cared.

'Every boy thinks that. Yet nobody came here to save any boy. Not ever. Your father is living happily, I am sure.'

'No, he said he loves me. And he may meet me in a faraway galaxy, but still, he wants to-'

'We should not talk about this' said another boy impatiently.

'Yes, you're right' she agreed. Pan explicitly stated that they mustn't talk about these things. It was hard not to, when the sky was getting darker and they felt its power.

Wendy tried to be strong, she rubbed her eyes, and looked around, smiling. It was not easy for her to speak in a calm voice, but she managed to do it.

'I'd like to tell you a story about The Boy who did not know what fear was.'

She could see excitement in the eyes of the boys. There was a long silence again, but of the good kind. She wasn't aware of the fact, though, that there was another boy listening to her, sitting on the cold ground behind the long curtain.

'There was an old man who had three sons. The first became the most famous knight of his kingdom, because he was afraid of being second became the most humble monk in the kingdom, because he was afraid of damnation. The third boy believed that he was the bravest boy in the kingdom, because he did not know what fear was. He did nothing all day, and he thought that he was better than everyone. His father sent him to the South, to visit his eldest brother, the knight. The little boy told him, he did not know what fear was. The knight laughed, and sent him to a battlefield at night. He told his brother to stay the whole night there to learn fear. There were three hanged traitors beneath the gallows, hanging unconsciously. The cold wind cut into his skin, and shook them as if they were dancing. He lit a small bonfire, and started dancing, too. Their clothes started to burn, and he couldn't put out the fire, the three corpses burnt, and he was bored alone, so he soon fell asleep. In the morning the knight was surprised how his brother wasn't afraid of the corpses. He sent him to the West, to the other brother, the monk, who was determined to teach the boy, how to be afraid of something. He showed the boy to the tower of the cathedral. He made him to climb up there at midnight and ring the bell. The monk dressed up as a ghost and creeped up the stone staircase, but the boy wasn't afraid of him. He asked him who he were, and when the monk refused to answer him, he set his robe on fire and kicked him down the stairs. Later he saw that it was his brother but he did not feel anything. He only knew that he still did not know what fear was, so he travelled to the East. He was now a young man. He went into an inn and told the people that he did not know what fear was. They told him to go to a haunted castle in the forest, and if he managed to find the hidden treasure, the king or his wise, old counsellors would definitely teach him what fear was. He accepted the challenge and walked into the castle. Seven talking black cats walked out of the shadowy corners of the great hall, but he chase them away. He walked upstairs and went into a room where there was a huge bed. He lay down to sleep, but the bed started to walk around the huge castle. He told the bed to stop moving, but it did not listen to him. He jumped off, and still not being afraid, he broke the bed into two parts and burnt it. Then he tried to sleep on the floor, but a noise did not let him to fall asleep. Half of a man fell down the chimney. He shouted that he wanted to see the other part as well. It fell down too, and then reunited with the legs, and this monster started to crawl to him. He kicked him back to the fireplace where he burnt. Then a small boy appeared in the window, a boy whom he believed to be his childhood friend, who died long ago in a hideous fever. His body was white and cold. He warmed him up and the boy woke up to happily only show him to the castle's treasures. The man brought the treasures to the old king, who asked what he wanted in return. The man said that he wanted to learn what fear was. The king nodded, and told him that he had to marry his only daughter to prove that he is not afraid of anything. He accepted the proposal. The bride was veiled during the wedding, so he thought her to be a monster, or at least a very ugly woman, and only saw her in their bed at first. As the cover fell down, his heart nearly jumped out of his ribcage. She was the most beautiful creature he has ever seen in his life. She smiled at him, and kissed him on his mouth. Not knowing what to say to her he jumped out of the bed. For the first time of his life, he was afraid. He ran out of the castle, and went back to the North to his father, but only to find out that he was already dead a long time ago. Now he was an old man, knowing what fear was. He realized, that he was a coward. He was worse than anyone. He feared true love. And that is the worst fear in the world.'

The boys gasped. They did not know, what to say. Wendy always liked the story, but it was the first time she understood it. Nothing matters, but true love and-

'Wendy! It is almost morning!' She followed Owen's look. He was right, it was dawn now, yet, it was still gloomy and strange out there.

'We don't want you to leave us!' said Owen, and grabbed Wendy's hand.

'I don't want it, either, and I will never leave you!' Wendy thought that she may ask them to come with her, and if they do not like the idea, they can still stay here, on Neverland. 'You can come with me, to London, where I live! My father has a school for boys, it is expensive... but he will help you to get in, I am sure , and… You can come to our house every day, I'll make you cupcakes, and I will tell you more stories and songs!'

The smaller boys giggled, slowly looked at each other, not daring to believe. Some older ones spoke first:

'Leaving Neverland? Can we do it?'

'Is it possible, Wendy?'

'I think it is! My father have already helped a boy like you, a lost boy, Bae, whose family left him... he is now staying with us. Why couldn't you?'

'I hate to interrupt this sweet scene, but no one leaves Neverland, and Neverland leaves no one.' said Peter coldly, and drew the heavy curtain aside. 'Especially not those who would never be happy anywhere else. Do not forget, Birdy, these boys are the Lost ones. Nobody loved them. I was there for them. They had no home. I welcomed them to Neverland. Cupcakes and stories? It is not what they want. Here we hunt and dance, and play, and eat. We have no responsibilities. We never grow up. It is a dream. And it can be real.'

The boys sighed. They knew that he was right. That world left them. She shook her head.

'It is you, Pan, who keeps them telling so. You deny them a choice. They may be unhappy there, but they have the right to at least, try a new life. Try to be really happy.'

'They have everything, Wendy birdy. We are a great family. Aren't we, boys? Isn't living here fun?'

The boys said nothing, but were not that determined to go with Wendy anymore.

'It is' agreed Wendy. 'You provide fun for them. But do you love them, Pan?'

'I wanted them, when nobody did! And they belong here, with me. I need them here, and they need me.'

'Even if it is not the best for them? You think you love them. Do you know selfless love? Do you know true love, or are you afraid of it, Peter Pan?'

For a second she thought that she saw something in his eyes. Some flicker, that was… different. That second has passed, and he was the same, arrogant boy when she opened her eyes again.

'I am not a storybook character, Birdy, you can not control me.'

She was encouraged by that light she saw in his eyes.

'I would take you with me, too. Pan! Believe me, my world, and growing up is not that bad! Listen-' Peter interrupted her speech with dark laughter.

'You know nothing. Time to fly back, Wendy bird. Time to decide, whether you want to live free or not. Perhaps we can take that lost boy of yours… and keep him until you are ready again.'

'No, please! I beg of you!' her eyes widened, and the tears now were falling down in her lap. 'He lost his father because of… magic. He would never belong here.'

'Would you rather give one of your little brothers away?' She snuffled. Peter smirked.

'I thought so.'

The moon shone brightly through the window, shedding light on Peter's handsome, wild face. Her heart was beating very fast when she looked at him - it was the last thing she saw, and that face, she knew, will haunt her in her dreams.

'What are you doing?' she asked with bated breath.

'What needs to be done.'

He stepped closer to her, gently wiped the tears off her face, and kissed both of her eyes which made her to fall asleep.

'See you soon, Wendy!'

When she woke up, the shadow was already carrying her over London.

'How should I get back? I want to get back.' she told the shadow when it reached their window. It did not answer her, only when they reached their window.

'You know what to do. Wendy, believe!' he said, and the next moment there was no trace of him.

Bae was sleeping where she left him. She was confused. Did he sleep there every night for months or…

Bae heard that somebody opened and closed the window, he opened his eyes, and startled.

'It's alright.' said Wendy, trying hard not to burst out in tears. 'It's just me.'

'I thought I never see you again' said Bae, getting up. Wendy stepped off the bed, not being to able to look into his eyes. Knowing that Pan wants him, and this is her only way to get back… She knew Baelfire, if she told him about Pan he would judge her. He hated magic. He just did not believe.

'How long was I gone?'

'Just the night...' answered Bae.

'It felt so much longer. Time works different in Neverland.' she still tried to avoid looking at Bae.

'So… what was it like over there?'

She was far away from Pan, but she still felt his cold touch on her hot face. How could she explain all this to Bae…? She wanted to go back, but she had to make him go instead of her. She wanted to justify her act. Her act of trickery.

'It's an island. And there are no grown ups to tell you what to do. And there are fairies and mermaids and all sorts of mystical creatures.' She swallowed. There were no fairies, she just said that because it sounded nice. Bae asked her why did she return. She did not give a straight answer to that. She told him about the night's great power, and the lost boys, but nothing about Pan.

'Why don't they… go home?'

She put all the blame on the shadow, and told Bae that it wants one of her brothers instead of her. She never mentioned Pan. She just couldn't open her mouth and say something bad about him. Not when she knew that that was the price of her freedom. Wendy knew she had to lie to Bae. She had to go back!

'You said magic was bad, and you were right Bae.'

She already knew that magic was not as perfect she thought, but it still fascinated her. She was lying, and it worked. She played the part Pan told her. If she manages to make Bae go with the shadow, she proves that she belongs there, she thought with full of hope.

Bae acted as she expected him to act when she talked about the fear of losing her family. She loved Bae, but she felt a bit jealous, and this poisoned her love. He soon will leave and visit Neverland, and he won't like it. And she will have to stay here, while it was her who wanted to be there. Annoying. Could Neverland be really only for boys? She was a girl, yet she felt how important she was there. It can't be only for boys, she thought. It can't be like this world, where men have all the power. She had to go back, and to achieve that, she had to trick Bae. Silly boy, he truly thought that he was able to fight the power of Neverland. She knew that poor Bae had no idea who was he fighting. She saw Pan's power. She knew that he could destroy somebody just by smiling at them. Why? Because she was destroyed by it. She felt really weak when she recalled that smile, that disgustingly alluring smirk. She could not hate him after all this, and that made her feel guilty. She wanted to go back to Neverland, it killed her to be back here.

And when the shadow came back, was clear that it came only for Bae. She was shaking in her bed whole day after the shadow took him.

She wanted to go back to the island, and waited for the shadow to come for her. She realized after she was sent back here, what he meant before… freedom. A thing she can never have. She can never be free here. Locked up in her room, not allowed to go anywhere because she was a girl and on top of that because of her… illness. She was not ill there. On Neverland, she had no seizures.

Oh, why couldn't she go back? She did everything he wanted. She tricked her friend.

She was ready, but Pan just did not sent for her.


	2. Dance to another tune

Phase the second - Dance to another tune

The adventure still went on in her mind, still affected her, corrupted and changed her. It creeped in her veins towards her heart like the venomous black drops of dreamshade.

Her father became very strict after her night out. He did not know about her visit in Neverland, but it was clear for everyone that she was severely affected by something. She was shouting in her sleep, was shattering mirrors into pieces with her small fists. She was found standing in the window at night, almost jumping off, laughing as loudly as a demon. Sometimes she could not stop singing, not even when somebody asked something. She had to finish the song before being able to answer. She burst out in tears for no reason other days. She tore storybooks apart, shouting that everything was a lie and that she knew everything better than the writers. She was maniacally writing all night. She felt an urge to write down every small detail of the stories she imagined. And she even painted illustrations to the book. Other days she did not get out of bed and was just lying there, crying, not answering to questions, hitting those who wanted to get near her.

She could not go out her room if she did not behave well. But it was impossible to behave well. She did not do it on purpose. She lost her mind in those moments.

It was not allowed for her to read or write. It scared her, as it was the only thing that was left. She was hiding a handwritten storybook from everyone. The rest cure they forced on her was horrible. She had to do something with herself, otherwise she would have lost her mind.

She missed Neverland, but she thought she can never go back there. She had to occupy her mind, so she made up her own stories. They were full of fairies, evil witches, everything that she was interested in and what she missed in London... and even in Neverland. Wendy wanted to believe that her world was better than Neverland. But she knew, that it never could be like that. Neverland was real. The Enchanted forest wasn't.

It has been more than three years since she last saw Bae on that gloomy November evening. She still visited Neverland occasionally in her dreams. She saw everything, almost everybody but Pan, and Neverland was scarier than ever. She always woke up panting, scared to death. She needed to go back, really go back, not just in her dreams where she could do nothing. She couldn't get in touch with Neverland, only in her dreams, but in her dreams she was invisible to others. When she was awake, she kept on writing to survive, she tried to believe every day, as the shadow told her. It just did not work, so writing was her only consolation.

She even wrote a story about Bae. He wouldn't have loved it, though, she thought. She also wrote about Bae's family. She tried to imagine them, and the way they left Bae. She was a bit cruel to him… she had to admit, that no matter how she liked him… she was still very jealous of Bae, and this was her revenge. It felt good, and even if it was not true, she liked to believe in these stories. Her imagination was her only refuge. Real life was suffering.

Her seizures and sudden mood changes got even worse a year later, and she was separated from her little brothers. She got her own room with a piano, a bed, a mirror and barred windows. No books, no paper. They continued her rest cure. She hated it. But she had no choice.

Her mother did not tell her what she was saying in her dreams, but she had some wild guesses… maybe Peter's name? Or even worse, was she begging him to take her back to Neverland? She may have been shouting about her imaginary characters…. they seemed so real to her. Her family started to look at her with a different eye. Wendy scared his little brothers. Her father became a stranger to her. He did not even look at her any longer... it hurt her, of course, because she could not help her mental state. And this isolation just made it even worse.

She was standing by the huge window, staring out of it, and thinking about a story, a story of a daughter of a poor, unimportant miller… she was beautiful and wanted power yet everyone despised her… until... and this was when her mother disturbed her.

'Are you with me, Wendy, darling?'

'Are you being nice to me or you're just addressing me on my full name?' She was just in the middle of something important. Nobody would understand her. Why do they even bother visiting her, she asked. They could just send up the food and everything else with a servant. She is the crazy woman hidden in the cellar, anyway. She wanted her mother to go, so she could write her story down. If her soul felt alone then why couldn't they leave her body alone, too?

'Don't be silly, Wendy.' said her mother with her usual smile on her face. Why was she treating her like that? It made her angry. She felt powerless. She could not speak her mind, because if she did, they called her a madwoman. How could she tell her how annoying they were?

Not being able to talk to anyone who could understand her thoughts, she used to not saying anything nice at all. It was better to be hated than not be taken seriously. She thought that she deserved much better than this. Locking her up, not letting her to do the only thing that remained, writing stories, freely? She was special, yet her family did not appreciate her, and Pan… he sent her away, too. 'Start practicing for tomorrow's ball. No noisy interpretations. Do as the instructions say. You hear me?'

'I can't avoid hearing you, mom.' talked back Wendy impatiently. 'And you know I play as I please.' It was the only way out, silly balls. Beautiful music. Stupid audience. Still, she could get a glimpse of the outer world, and it was worth it.

'Don't be that bitter. Leave it to old spinsters.'

She smiled again, and left her alone with her choler.

Which I would love to be, but they'll never let me, she said to herself, while practicing on the piano. She was almost sixteen, she was almost an adult now. She never wanted that. She wanted to think about her stories, but her experiences were stronger. Her thoughts run fast and the notes followed them. The music was as loud and violent as the vivid memories of Neverland inside her head. Wendy closed her eyes, and tried to forget about her forthcoming adult life, just playing, not looking into the sheets. She had a talent in this, but her family thought that it would be inappropriate for a lady to start a musical career. She did not want it, though. She wanted real power, and freedom. She only had it in Neverland.

So, she closed her eyes and let go of herself. Her fingers run through the ivory and the jet-black keys faster and faster every second. She played turbulently, even when she wasn't supposed to do so, but she liked to scandalize her audience. She gave a twist to everything. Every story of hers was about known fairy tale characters, but she changed them. She also wrote about those who she knew in real life, like Bae or the pirates of Neverland.

But not about Pan. She just could not imagine his past. She never wrote about Pan. And Wendy herself was not in the stories. At least not explicitly.

She suddenly felt some cold breeze on her hot, rosy face. She opened her eyes, because she remembered that she closed the window, and what she saw made her stop playing. There was a boy standing there, leaning against the window pane. A boy, or… a young man? It seemed these years had affected him as well. She was three years older. So was he. She was sixteen. He looked eighteen, or a bit more.

But it was impossible, she shook her head.

'What were you playing?' he asked. Even his voice was different.

'A rhapsody.' she answered, in a trembling voice. She has never imagined that she would ever see Pan in London. Actually, she never thought that she would see him again at all.

'It was brilliant.'

He never complimented her. He wants something, she assumed.

'Well, thank you, Pan. How long have you been here?'

'Long enough to see adolescence made you… a better raw material.'

'For what?'

'It is yet to be seen. But you surprised me, Wendy bird.'

As she looked at him more carefully... it was Pan, but… no, it was impossible. 'You surprised me, too. You look...' she was not sure, how to say it '...different.'

Peter smiled, and jumped off the window. She stood up immediately.

'You're quite a sight, yourself, Wendy bird.' he chuckled. 'And Neverland is quite a site… if you know what I mean.'

'Are you going by the name Peter Pun these days?' she asked with a sneer.

'Good. You apparently grew a sense of humour.'

She raised her eyebrows. Peter thought she needed detailed explanation.

'You know, sense of humour. It shows the quickness of mind, and that one is witty and is in possession of powerful imagination.' he said, taking a few steps closer to her.

'I know what it means.'

He definitely was much taller than her now. But how-

'What are you doing here?' She had to ask that. 'Can you leave Neverland?'

He was now really close to her. His eyes were as green as his clothes, his fairy talish clothes, which seemed so anachronistic and odd in the late 19th century interieur.

'As you see I can. But do not worry, I'm always doing what needs to be done, Wendy. You know that.' he said eyeing her up and down. It somehow sounded really creepy this way. 'You're wearing longer skirts now.' he observed. 'Grown-up life, huh?'

'It is actually a nightgown… and I am not a grown-up, yet.' Wendy rolled her eyes. If she wasn't sure about the fact that he was merely a boy, who refused to grow up, she would have thought that he was flirting with her. It was impossible. On second thought, one never knew what was going on in Pan's mind. 'So, are you going to tell my why you came here or not?'

'Don't be hasty! I've just arrived from another world. Don't you want to… show me around?'

'Definitely not. Why would you be interested?' she replied as fast as possible. He did not seem to be offended by her unfriendly tone.

'You talked about your father's school...remember?'

She nodded.

'Of course, I do… don't tell me you're considering to let the boys here?'

'Oh Birdy, you sweet, naive girl' he said, shaking his head. He looked out the window to the stars. 'I'm considering to take boys there...' He said in a definitely overdramatic voice. She was struck dumb for a second, but she realized, that it was just an emotional blackmail. Why would he bother telling her about that plan, if not because he wanted to use it against her? She knew she was right. He even glanced at her to see her reaction, then went back to his role. She was determined to go with him, and she had to play his game. She missed Neverland. She needed it, and maybe she needed… no. It was he who needed her

'Unless you save them by coming back to Neverland.' he added, just as Wendy imagined.

'Never...' she said. He seemed slightly surprised. She played his annoying game, and it felt good. And it felt bad that it felt good, but it just did feel good, she couldn't do anything about it. She acted as her favourite characters from the book she wrote. Always enjoying the game of power.

'...unless you tell me something. Why did you came here? I go with you on condition you're being honest. I'm not a little girl anymore, and I don't like childish blackmailing games.'

That wasn't entirely true, though. She liked it. Pan seemed to notice that in her eyes. But he liked the game.

'Okay, then. We need you to come back. Neverland needs you.' he rolled his eyes, then added:

'I need you.' He seemed to be honest, but Wendy was unable to trust him. She sighed, shook her head so angrily that all her brown locks were flying around her face..

'Being honest would hurt you? Aw, Pan, you are such a child...'

'I am a boy. What else would you want me to be?' He shrugged off the insult laughing, but his eyes were not happy. Maybe he was honest, and she hurt him? Oh no, he was incapable of such emotions. Or?

'Oh, Pan, I just don't know. I haven't heard anything from you that was serious. You're like an adult. You're never honest… '

He was now seriously offended. He did not seemed to believe what he has heard. He furrowed his brows, and folded his arms. He shook his head, and said:

'Oh, yeah? Try me!'

'All right, tell me about your parents. Your past!'

The only thing she could not imagine was his story. And she was interested in it. Wendy sat down and crossed her arms. Now they were really like two angsty teenagers. If they weren't taking themselves too seriously at that moment, they would have laughed at each other's red faces.

'Now is the only time I know.' said Peter smiling.

'On Neverland, maybe. But this land has a past, so do you.'

He gulped.

'You see, you're not able to answer. How unfortunate for you.'

Pan stared at her for a long, long moment. He turned his back to her.

'It is because you… Won't understand it… yet.'

'Oh, yeah? Try me!' she repeated his words. He seemed a bit tense.

'Stop echoing... I'll tell you if we go back.'

'You promise?'

'I do.' He sighed.

'All right. I trust you.'

He grabbed her hand.

'Wait! I want to say goodbye to my brothers...'

'They can't see me. I'm sorry.'

'You can stay here while… Pan! Let go of my arm, I'll be here in a few minutes!'

'I can't.'

'Why?'

'You wanted me to be honest...' he said with an evil smile. 'Wendy, you may trust me but I trust you not. At least, not yet. And now we're leaving. No time for goodbye kisses.'

And then he just took her with him, without any hesitation.

So there she was again, sitting on her old bed in her tree house every day, or rather, every night. She left Neverland three years before that, and since then there were no days. The bright moon was hiding behind heavy clouds, and the sun was not rising. She was back in Neverland for a long time, yet nothing changed. She was not free.

She was locked up in the tree house, and only three boy knew about her presence - Felix and Pan. And probably Rufio as well. Felix visited her a few times a week to bring food and to bully her, if he was in a bad mood. Which was his default mood.

'I want to talk to Pan.' Wendy told him that night when he was uncommonly kind. He tossed her out of his way.

'It does not really matter what you want, Birdy.'

'Oh, it does.' She said, and followed Felix. She played her ace. 'He made a promise.'

Felix looked a bit surprised, and it took him a few seconds to process the information, but when he did, he tardily nodded. Promises were somehow the only thing these boys kept. They needed some rules, after all, since life was even more chaotic that it had been before Wendy's first coming.

'I'll ask him. But I think you're bluffing, he would never give you his word.' he said in a hostile voice.

'Think that if it comforts you.'

As the angry Felix left the room, somebody whispered into her ear.

'So?'

She jumped, and turned her head around to see Pan standing there with a confident smirk on his face. He definitely looked older, but she knew, that it was impossible. Nobody gets older in Neverland.

She was trying to get used to it. Maybe it was a long time, and she forgot his face. Oh she knew she did not, but she had no possible explanation.

'How did you know I was-' she snorted. 'Oh, you know, I don't want to hear it.'

'Why did you need me?'

'We've been back, for... I don't know how long, but it has been many weeks… you shut me here, and you never bothered visiting me.' she said in a disappointed, but rather calm voice.

'I thought you will be angry because you have to be a prisoner.'

'I'm not angry, I just don't understand it… You brought me back. I thought you came for me because I've proved that I belong here.'

'You proved that you belong to Neverland.'

'Why did you lock me up then?'

He sighed, but refused to say anything.

'All right, do not answer me. Then... Tell me about your past.'

Peter snorted.

'Okay, let's get back to that previous question.'

Wendy sat down on her small bed, while impatiently playing with her hair.

'You can't go out, because the island has changed. It is dark, and dangerous.'

'Then it started to become like you...'

Peter theatrically sighed, and sat down in the end of her bed.

'You sound like my late mother.'

She turned her head quickly and stared at him.

'Are we talking about you then?'

Peter nodded, and held her hand down.

'Stop fiddling with your hair... I made a promise, and I have no objection to keeping it. But I have to be sure that we trust each other when I tell you my story.'

'All right. It is you who has problems with trusting others. Trusting me.' she sighed. 'So you don't want to let me out because it is dangerous?'

'Yes. The jungle is not for innocent girls.'

'But it is suitable for innocent boys?'

'I never said that. It is madness now, most of the time. I like it, but… I don't know.'

'You don't know what?'

He fondled the soft skin of her hands.

'I often think about letting you out, I promise.'

She slowly pulled her hand away from his.

'Can I see Bae?'

Peter shook his head.

'Oh, I let him go shortly after you've arrived. He is back in your world, and I suppose, he is a grown-up now.'

'What are you talking about, only a few weeks have passed since I arrived here!'

'Time works differently here. I thought you have already learnt that, Birdy'

'Stop calling me a bird, I think I am starting to hate it, Pan.'

'I'll stop it if you stop calling me Pan. I'm Peter.'

'What's wrong with Pan?' He remained silent. 'I called you Pan because I thought that you preferred it.'

'Well, now I'm telling you that I like Peter better. Pan reminds me of bad things, I am more successful since I am Peter, too...'

'It is curious... Villains usually do not use their first names.'

He raised an eyebrow, and smirked.

'Well, you're quite right. I am not a usual villain. But you know what? I won't call you Birdy from now on, since aliases here are not for villains.'

'Thank you.' she said, but when she looked at his smile, she realized what he was implying, and that made her very angry. 'You mean I am a villain too?'

'You caused the curse that is on the island.'

'Me? What curse... the night?'

Pan nodded.

'You also sent Bae here. Then you proved that you are capable of great things. Evil things, too.'

'What things? Evil piano playing? How villainous.'

'I don't think you need me to tell you.'

Wendy's eyes widened.

'I need you to tell me.'

'I don't know.'

He shrugged.

'Are you trusting me enough or not?'

'Obviously not yet. I just give you something to think about. You know what I mean. Deep down you know that you are just like me, creating worlds, playing god.'

'I don't understand you. We're nothing alike. Nothing. I am good.'

'Before I came here, I thought the same. But now I know what I am capable of. Soon you will find out, what you are capable of, Wendy. With such powers… you'll see what is important. And then you will be over this good and bad thing.'

'Soon… I waited three years for you. I lost my patience.'

Peter laughed with the eyes of a maniac.

'Three years! I waited a bit more than that.'

Wendy made a face.

'All right. So you're giving me something to think about… well, I only learned that even you had to come here somehow, and once you were normal, you had a family and you were a good boy.'

'Sort of.' he noted.

'That's it. How am I supposed to think about this until you grace me with your company again?' she asked sarcastically.

'That's correct, it's not enough. Well… I think I should tell something about your past first. For example have you ever wondered why you're father is helping lost boys?'

'He is the opposite of you. My father helps boys to find their place in society..'

'Oh I know him, and I know what he has become. I was the one who let him go back.' he was trying to suppress a smile. Wendy was unable to speak. 'Good night, Wendy. See you sometime.'

And he just left. She was constantly thinking about his words all week. Her father was once a lost boy? It was unbelievable, yet… now it makes sense. He was the one who told them not to follow any shadow if it appears. He hated every imaginary stories, he forbade her to write. She liked to disobey him. That is why she waited for the shadow all her life. It was hard for her to imagine, how could he go back to London after spending an awful lot of time here. She felt relieved when she got back here, and that world was just a dull, horrible world in her eyes. A Land without magic, a land without imagination. Neverland was exciting and exotic. Imagination ran wild here. And it was even more beautiful and mysterious now than it was the last time. Just like its king. This thought made her blush.

We're alike, he said to her. She shook her head. What did he mean by that? Playing gods… she did not know. She felt tired after hours of pointless arguing with herself. She lay down, and she fell asleep.

When she woke up, she felt lonely. She missed Pan, and she hated this feeling. When he was there, she felt important. When she was left alone, it was hard not to cry.

A huge storm was coming. She could feel it in the air. It made her to feel dizzy.

It began to rain and it just refused to stop. She liked it, although it was a bit monotonous. This rain was nothing like English rain, it was a loud tropical thunder, loud and scary. She just stood in the window for long hours and did nothing. The air became fresher and she felt as if she could smell faraway things, salty water, smoke, flowers, wet furs of mysterious creatures. It give her power back. She felt much better. She was alone, and she was herself. She was now sitting in the grey noise of the rain, with closed eyes and open mind, and for the first time in her life, she realized she had endless time. Now she did not imagine new stories. She did not have to hide. She had time. Time for herself. Time to think, to fall apart. In the wedge-shaped core of darkness she did not know who she was. Who is she without the rules, without the strict social role? She did not have to be a lady. Nor a woman. She could be who she wanted. But what did she really want?

She peeled off the layers of her previous self. She was in a process of self-inventing. Peter knew it, and he did not come to disturb. Not yet. Not until Wendy needed him.

And one day, Neverland visited her again. At least, somebody from the outer world. She barely could focus on his face. She was hungry, she did not realize it before.

'Hullo, Birdy.' it was Felix, slowly climbing up her ladder, spitting out the words with disgust. 'Aren't you bored here alone?'

'Maybe a bit, but-'

'Oh, cry me a river.'

She raised her eyebrows.

'It was better without you.'

'Was it really? What kind of girl are you? Do you like being a prisoner? A bird in a cage?

'Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.' she whispered.

'What? Are you quoting some stupid thing again?'

She turned up her nose.

'I am. I never thought you would be able to understand it.'

Luckily he left his awful dog downstairs. Last time she made a remark on Felix's mental abilities, that beast almost attacked her. Felix now only thrusted her out of his way and snorted.

'Whatever. Pan sends his regards. Oh wait. No, he never thinks about you.'

She assumed Felix did not know about Pan's visit, so she acted as if nothing had happened. She asked him, without making any comment on Pan:

'Do you like it here?'

'Even you, you angelic creature, like it here. Am I right?' he said. 'You wanted to come back more than anything else, didn't you?'

She nodded. Felix said something she would have never admitted. There was something in this place that was indeed magnetic. Or somebody.

'I am not angelic.' she shrugged. 'Why do you like it?'

'Oh, leave me alone. There's no explanation, why. Neverland is the best place in the world, and that is that. Pan created it and he never fails.'

'Oh, I see.'

'Oh no, you don't see anything. You're just a stupid girl. You'll never be able to be one of us. You are too weak. Pan would never-'

'You seem to be an expert concerning Pan. You need him more than he needs you, I'm sure of it. But I don't need him more than he needs me. Too bad.'

'Oh, I think you do need him. Do you fancy him, little bird?'

She hated his face, and she hated, that he cut her in the quick, so she just grabbed the weekly pack of food, tossed the hysterically laughing boy down the ladder, and slammed the door without any words. When she turned around, Pan was sitting on her bed, playing with his red scarf.

'That three years did you good. Now you're sassy. And harsh. I like that.' She was bluffing before, and she did not like it that he heard what she shouted. Pan saw how red she went when Felix mentioned Pan.

'At least you enjoy yourself, Peter.' she said, not even realizing that by this she did exactly what he wanted her to do. She was sassy and harsh.

'Do you want to talk about your past?'

'I thought it is you we are to discuss eventually.'

'But not yet, Wendy.'

She sat down next to him.

'Stop fiddling with your scarf.'

In a course of a second his face went to white.

'Are you okay?'

'Of course I am.'

'You hate when I echo your words.'

'That's true.' he smiled. She soon broke the silence, because she had too many questions to bear it.

'So you knew my father. Why did you need him?'

'It was the shadow, not me, who led him here, actually.'

'Which one?' She knew that many shadows inhabited the caves in the northern side of the island.

'The first. Pushan, that's his name. Not important.' he said crossly. Wendy raised her eyebrows. He seemed a bit tense. 'So, back to your father, Daphnis… or what is his name now?'

'George. It's George Darling.'

'Right. George spent only a short time here, and it was me who sent him away.'

'Why did you want him to go?'

He gave her an eloquent look.

'You mean… no, you can't mean it.'

'I sent him away so you could come here. Well, it took me a long time to find out, who your father will be, but it was him. I did not fail. I never do, actually.'

Wendy felt a bit dizzy. But how?

He either read her mind or it was just obvious what she had that thought, but he answered:

'I told you. I knew that the daughter of one of the first four Lost boys will be ready to come here one day. But you were not as I imagined, you brought eternal sun instead of night, and that is why I sent you back. Shortly after that night I realized, I made a tremendous mistake. The night came, and you stopped denying yourself. You are the one.'

Her stomach did a somersault when he looked up at her. It was not the same boy she left here last time. Something changed him, formed him into a more mature, yet, more vicious boy. He was not innocent anymore. He was a teenager, with all the angst and wildness, the sudden mood changes, and with a burning desire in his eyes that made her heart beat faster.

'What do you need me for?' she breathed.

'Oh, that question is about me. We're supposed to talk about you tonight.' She raised her eyebrow. 'You know what I mean.'

She nodded. It was only one, strange long night. Time was strange, one could not follow it. If the long day made her overly excited, then this eternal dark started to make her hazy. This curse may have affected Pan as well. Could it be the reason of his aging? Or what? She knew he wouldn't tell her. Not yet, not yet. She had to be understanding. She wanted to win his trust.

'All right. You said you realized that I had to come back. How?'

'At first, the night did not turn into day. And then other things happened. A fairy arrived here while you were away. She told me… things.'

'Things, things. I thought you were trying to be honest.'

'Not telling the truth and telling lies is not the same. I'm always honest, Wendy. I promised to tell you about my past, though I hate it...' She made a face. 'Trust me. I just... rather not share everything with you for a little while.'

' You have to tell me everything eventually. Otherwise I refuse to help you.'

'You won't, trust me. You're already helping me.'

'How?' she mouthed.

'Oh, I don't know. But somebody definitely arranged everything as I imagined. Don't you know who?' she blinked. 'I mean, I needed Bae and you brought him here. You're the reason he became a lost boy. Oh, I do not mean that one time you sent him away. I meant you made him a lost boy even before you knew him.' she furrowed her brow. It was not easy to understand him. 'Try to think about this, Wendy.' he said with a confident smile. 'Let's call it a day… I mean, I'll visit you a bit later.'

He winked, and the next moment he disappeared, only leaving his sweet, strange smell behind. It reminded her of fallen leaves and dead flowers. It made her uncomfortable, yet somehow she would have missed it if it weren't there. She punched her pillow.

Pan loved this, playing with her mind. He loved to lead her into the forest of a deep, important conversation, to disappear and leave her there with her thoughts.

When Felix left her, Peter Pan always appeared, she told herself, so he waited Felix as if it was him she missed. Somehow she started to be excited about seeing Pan, and Felix was his forerunner. The next time he came, Wendy was smiling at the tall, blonde boy. He was surprised by that. He folded his arms and snapped at her:

'What's so funny?' She was in a good mood, so she answered laughing:

'We are in a sick Red Riding Hood story.. in which I'm your Grandma, Felix. You know, you carry this basket and all-'

'I am the Wolf in that story, Birdy...' he thrust her. 'Now get out of my way or I lock you up with my dog.'

Wendy did not mind the rude behaviour, and jumped into his way again, laughing maniacally. She did not know why, but she enjoyed teasing him. She felt more powerful than she did before, and she hated him so much…

'You don't know my version, do you? The Wolf is not a pathetic bully… it is a strong girl. Like me.' For a second he was just frowning at her, not even moving, but then...

He grabbed her arms violently and pushed her against the cold wall. She may have been stronger than him concerning her spirit and mind but she was weak physically.

'Say that again, little bird. Oh, now you don't feel like joking, do you?' he spat the words into her face. She refused to look at him. He took his knife out of his pocket, and draw a line on her neck, not cutting the skin, just showing her that he would be able to kill her if he wanted.

'Look at me, bird!' She forced herself to look into the cold, black eyes of the boy. She saw madness. 'You think you are a wolf? You are just a bitch...'

'What part of never-to-touch-her did you find hard to grasp?' said a cold voice. Everything happened fast, she did not know what was going on.

Felix shouted and his arms fell off. The small, red knife was in Peter's hand now. Wendy realized that it was red because of somebody's blood. She touched her skin, but she was not hurt. Felix's normally pale face, however, was red, and was dripping with his blood. A huge scar cut his face into two sides.

'Peter, please...' he begged. 'She was provoking me...'

'Just go.'

Felix disappeared in a minute, but Peter's eyes were on fire even long minutes later. She never saw him that angry. He kicked into her bed and cursed.

Her hands could not stop shaking. He realized that she was too shocked to move. He gently took her hands and led her to her bed.

'Thank you.' she said with a faint smile. 'I don't know what happened. I said a joke but... He was all insane… He has a bad temper, but he was never like that before.'

He was not surprised by it.

'That is because of the night. Strange things are happening to everyone. Well, not to us, apparently...'

Wendy looked at him curiously.

'I see how the madness is spreading all over them.'

'It is suffering for them! Why don't you just let them go?'

'Oh, it is not, believe me. To be mad, is to be free. Freedom. They just love it, Wendy.'

She disagreed.

'To be mad is to have no control over your body. I know it, I am suffering from hysteria.'

'There is no such thing as hysteria. Only Victorian doctors made it up. They gave you that rest cure. It did not help you out of depression, it just drove you a little bit mad.'

She swallowed.

'We all go a little bit mad sometimes, do not worry. It did you good. While you were locked up there... You did great things, Wendy. And that made you free.'

'What did I do? I wrote a storybook.'

Peter nodded.

'Exactly. So. You think these boys are not free. They are. They enjoy themselves.'

'How?' Her eyes widened. Neverland was the only place where she was not despised for being… different.

'Oh, you want to try it! You astonish me, Wendy.'

'Try what? I don't get-'

Peter grabbed her hand gently, yet there was no escape.

'You know what is it like to dance to my music, don't you?'

'Yes, but-'

'Don't you want to come and join us in our hunting?'

'But won't they recognize me? I thought you were hiding me from them for a reason.'

'Oh, I am hiding you. But do not worry, Wendy. They won't remember you. Nobody remembers their actions when I stop playing. I don't think you remember dancing naked or turning cart-wheels... ' he looked away but he still paid attention to her reaction.

'No. I never did such thing, I remember everything I did.' she said blushing with embarrassment. How could he even say that she was naked in front of boys?

'Of course you do. I just tested your memory.'

He touched her neck, and she was sure that he felt how her heart was almost jumping out of her body, pumping her veins with hot blood.

'You know, I loved to watch you dancing. At first you moved like a lady, but a short while after… I could see the real you. You were free, you looked… I felt-'

She shut her eyelids.

'It was a sensual evening.' They stood like that for ages, at least it felt like ages. She dropped the basket Felix brought her, and a few apples rolled out of it. That reminded her of the ending of that night,

'And then you sent me back.'

He suddenly let go of her. He turned his back to her, but she could hear him breathing heavily. It felt good and somehow really bad. He regretted that decision. Oh, he let her suffer, and now, it seems he is suffering… at least a small part of him feels her pain.

She took a deep breath. He was a boy yet she sometimes thought of him in a different way… that made her blush. Pleasure, embarrassment, good and bad. Is there any feeling that is pure? That is free of another? she pondered. He picked up the reddest apple, maybe just to do something, and bit into it. She bit her lips as she saw it, and they were now just as red as the fruit.

'I want to go hunting with you. But only with you.' she said.

'Aren't you afraid of me?'

'I know you would never hurt me.'

Peter turned back to her. He smiled at her, showing off all his white, shiny teeth.

'I am happy to hear that. We will talk after the hunting.'

He wished her good night and left her, as he always did.

She couldn't wait for the hunting. If she kills an innocent animal, Peter will trust her, she thought. By that she will prove that she is as strong as any other Lost boy. That she is capable of living here. She hoped that Peter will eventually start being honest with her.


	3. Every angel is terror

**A/N**: So this is where things are getting nasty. NSFW.

Phase the third - Every angel is terror

And that time has come soon. She was anxious, but was determined to go.

'Are you sure you are ready to discover the heart of darkness?' asked Peter. He was standing behind her. He looked into her face in the reflection of her small looking-glass.

'I think I am.' she said with a solemn face.

'Wonderful. Smile, Wendy. It is going to be exciting. Don't be afraid.'

'I'm not' she said, and forced a smile. Of course she was a bit scared, but her curiosity was stronger. And she knew she had to earn his trust somehow...

He grabbed her hand and led her out the room. She did not bring any shoes with her to Neverland, so she was walking barefoot. She was in her long, white nightgown, which was not suitable for hunting, but she did not care. She was like a ghost, her skin seemed even lighter than white, and it was almost glowing in the dark. Peter could not take his eyes off her. She was angelic. Her face was lit by the cold gleam of the sky. It was not night, after all, but almost dawn, when it's between night and day, when the moon already left the sky but the sun has not yet arrived.

The island was indeed different. It seemed to her all the colours escaped Neverland and only a few shades of dark green and blue remained. And of course, the red colour of the fire, the red colour of Peter's scarf. The red colour of choler. The red colour of blood.

The air was heavy, humid, it was hard to breathe. Wendy's face was already streaming with sweat, in spite of the fact that they haven't even started hunting.

'Stop.' said Peter and held her back. He just stared into the darkness. They stood silent for minutes, and nothing moved around them. It seemed the island was dead. Life also left the island with the sun. But then what animal were they hunting for?

There was complete silence. She could hear her own blood flowing in her body. As she moved the swish of her hair sounded like a loud crash after the huge silence. Peter jumped, grabbed her hand and pulled her deeper into the forest.

There were long, dark shadows everywhere. They seemed to grow darker and darker as they reached the inner parts of the jungle.

'What are we looking for?' she asked Peter after a long while.

'You'll soon find out. I just have to lure him here.'

'Him?'

Peter made no answer. He started playing his pipes. The song was boisterous, wild... Wendy started to feel a bit dizzy. He stopped at once, held her hand and pulled her closer. His nose almost touched her cheek. He stared into her eyes.

'Look me in the eye.' he whispered. 'Wendy! Wendy, I want you to open your eyes. You want to remember everything, right?'

Wendy's eyelids were as heavy as lead, but she managed to focus on the two, bright green spot in his blurry face. His eyes were the honest windows on his theatrical mask, and she realized, that now she truly sees him.

His eyes were wise and more importantly... Peter's eyes were… old. And were full of… no, that was not possible.

'Wendy! Can you see me?'

'I can...' her voice was different, she heard it from a distance, as if she has stepped out of her body. 'I can see you now more clearly...'

He did not understand what she was saying. That special moment was gone. He was boyish again, with wild flickers in his dark green eyes, and she did not understand him any longer. Who was he again? Peter Pan? A boy… or a demon or...

'Can you see my shadow?' She followed his look. He never had any, she knew that. 'Do you see yours?'

She almost screamed when she realized that she can not see her shadow either, though it was there a few minutes before.

'Where is it?' she was so frightened she almost fainted.

'Shh. It's okay. You are your shadow now. But don't be scared.' he added when Wendy went weak at the knees and leaned against his chest. 'It's your unconscious. But don't be afraid of it. Try to remember the light, Wendy.' he touched her forehead. 'Everything you ever learned. Do you see the sun? It's not here, don't look for it… you can close your eyes now, it's just in your mind, you can only see it with your mind's eye… I know you can imagine anything. I know your power.'

She nodded.

'So foul and fair a day I have not seen.' she echoed one of her favourite lines from Macbeth. Peter raised an eyebrow. He may have not even know what she said, but he saw the result of the sentence. She felt calm, and by the time she opened her eyes, there was a huge smile on her face. She felt powerful and strong.

'You see? It's that easy. You can do what the other Lost ones can't.'

'And what is that?' she asked, trembling in his arms from excitement, as a little bird.

'You have great power. After accepting your shadow, there are no obstacles.'

'What makes you think so?'

'Just look into yourself.'

She felt the presence of her shadow in the hindquarters of her head. It wasn't the first time she experienced this but this was the first time she understood it. Her shadow can get into her… body? Her mind?

'Who I am?' she cried. 'A monster?'

Peter smiled.

'Am I a monster?'

'You mean-'

He nodded.

'But why? Why am I different? Why are you different? How can we do this?'

'When you had seizures back home your shadow went inside your mind. In this world, you don't suffer from it, that's it.'

'And you? Did you also have-.'

He nodded.

'So that is why we are different?'

'Not exactly. This place is for children who feel unloved. Who feel lost. Yet we two are different. Aren't we?'

'What do you mean?'

'I think you know.'

On second thought… She left her family to come her, not even once. She was loved. She wasn't left behind. They just did not understand her. She had ambitions, dreams. She always felt a lust for power, yet, in Victorian England… she was nobody, just a madwoman in the attic, a girl who was controlled by others. She only realized that she could be free, too, when she visited Neverland. Being free and powerful... that wasn't a fate that would have awaited her in London. Marry early, bear children, go to church every week, and be a perfect housewife, it was told. Always be a proper British lady, without any own ideas or wild thoughts. And she never wanted that. At least not after she learnt that life can be different. Wendy looked at the world with a different eye after visiting Neverland, she thought that every mistake and fault was enlarged, and became more clear to her. And she felt weak in London, like a bird whose wings were taken.

'Here… I can be everything.' she whispered to herself.

'You can.' smiled Peter. 'For example, tonight you can be a hunter.'

'But what should I kill? There are no animals… except-'

'Except Felix's dog.'

Wendy could barely help smiling. She hated that dog. It was half wolf half… god knows what. Black, wild and demonic. He tamed it while Peter was away. It was a vicious creature. Felix was always threatening her with it. She wanted the dog to go…

But she never killed before, she never hurt a fly. She was hesitating, not moving anywhere, but really wanting to.

'All right, I knew that you were not ready to hear my secrets.' said Peter.

Oh, the blackmailing child again. She wanted to hit him.

'It is the condition to it?'

'Of course not, Wendy, but it helps me to believe in you.'

She sighed with distress on her face.

'All right. I'll do it.' that dog was dangerous to every inhabitant. She will do a favour to every boy. 'But how?'

'How to kill it? Just think it.'

He held his pipes to his mouth. The dog was almost there, she thought, running through the woods, barking, and growling… As she thought about the dog, its glistening yellow eyes, the fear and anger she felt when it went near her, she soon heard barking noises behind her. She turned around as soon as it was possible. Felix's dog was approaching them. It was the boy's dog, the boy's, who always bullied her. Who thought that she was his inferior, who always threatened her with it. She imagined his face when he finds out that this dog is dead as a doornail. She chuckled but hid her smile with her hands. She shouldn't be glad about this. This was not for fun. This was wrong, but she had to end the dog's life.

But now it was more than alive, slowly approaching her, growling and barking. Her heart was beating loud, and she knew, the dog could hear it as well, and it made it more furious.

'Think it!' whispered Peter.

But how? She was unable to think. The snarling dog suddenly jumped and nearly reached her leg. She screamed and took a few steps back what made the dog was even more wild. Peter still did not move. What should she do?

Think.

It whimpered and then fell on the ground. She did not even move, yet that beast was dead. Just dead. Peter's smile was as wild as the jungle.

'How does it make you feel?' he said, walking close to her.

'Strong...' she said, with a shiver in her spine.

'You are strong.'

'But how did I do it?'

'Imagination.'

'Is it real, then?'

'It is as real as a dream. And nothing is more real than dreams.'

She raised an eyebrow.

'Now time to tell Felix what happened.' he said with a smirk.

'Oh no, he's going to kill me. Please, Peter! You can't do this. Felix hates me. He will… I don't just... Do not tell him that-'

'Tell me what?' asked Felix who just appeared on the clearing next to them. Peter smiled at them, and was slowly walking backwards. He was leaving her with him? What?

'Oh, you are no longer safe here, my friend.' he shrugged, and then he left Wendy with Felix. He just disappeared. She clenched her fist. Peter! He wants her to be dead, or what?

'Who were you talking to? Me?' said Felix. The darkness echoed his last words.

'Peter!' she cried. How could he leave her here? She just did not know what to say. Felix looked around, and he soon will find out that… Oh god. What else could she do? She started running. He now realized what happened to his pet, and was extremely mad at her.

'My dog! My dog...' he did not even checked if it was dead, he turned furiously towards Wendy. He started chasing her. She could not even think about anything. She was heavily panting, her naked feet ached as she stepped on the edgy stones, but she knew that she had to run, as fast as she could, because he will definitely not let her go once he caught her. She nearly run into some poisonous dreamshade... She knew that Felix will catch her in a minute, yet she tried to run away so hard. He was calling her names and threatening her as he was running after her. She heard him clearer and clearer with every step.

'Who did this? You?' Felix was now only few steps behind her.

'No?' she cried, but Felix did not believe her. She climbed on a tree, but he immediately pulled her gown and tossed her to the ground violently. She managed to get her chemise out of his grip, and started to run, but...

He reached out again, and grabbed her leg, so they both fell on the muddy ground. They started wrestling, though it was rather unfair. He was much taller and stronger than Wendy. She was punching his chest, screaming, kicking his legs, and biting into his hands, but he was only laughing... he easily held her arms down in a few seconds, and lay down on her, weighing upon her lungs. She could not breath.

'I won.' he said. 'Why did you even bother to run?'

'Felix' she whispered. 'I can explain.'

'He made you to kill it, didn't he? He made you a murderer.' he grabbed her neck. His nails cut into her soft skin.

'I am not a killer. It… attacked... us.'

'He was with me, and he disappeared.' he shouted in her face. She felt his foul breath on her skin. 'You thought him there, on the clearing. Didn't you!?' she closed her eyes.

'No…?' she said huskily. It was rather obvious that she did not believe her own words.

'I knew it… you dirty little liar.' he spat into her face. She started crying. It was humiliating to be so powerless, to be unable to defend herself. Why is she just lying here, doing nothing?

'I'm going to kill you… you bitch. No one needs stupid girls here.'

'Peter needs me…' she mouthed.

'Oh he may want to use you, if you know what I mean… but that's it'

He saw how she was shocked by that.

'You heard me… Wendy bird. You think you cannot be fucked? You are wrong, little angel. You will be fucked...'

She swallowed. She was very afraid and numb. You just have to think, she thought.

'Fuck... have you ever heard this word?'

She nodded, sniffling, looking at his blurry face. She could not see through her tears. His free hand went under her nightgown, pulling it up. She went red, and started trembling. It made him to squeeze his fingers more tightly around her pale neck.

'Peter' she cried out loudly.

'You want another wolf? I thought I was more than enough for you...'

'He never hurt me... and he never will. It's only you who want to... use me. He needs me. I trust him.' she said, but it was hard to understand it through her tears. Felix did not really care about it, after all.

'Just think it, Wendy, think it.' she heard Peter in her head. She looked around to find him. Felix followed her look.

'What?' he barked. Peter was not around.

'I thought...'

'Pan won't save you, it seems...' he laughed, then his hand wandered to some of her body parts that she did not even dare to think of. He bit into her inner thighs violently. She was sobbing.

'Come on, I know you want it.' he said.

'No...' she cried. 'Stop!' She was angry, she felt humiliated. Weak, powerless. It was painful and oh, she did not know how to describe it. There were no words for it.

'Do not dare to touch me there again!' she said in a shrill voice. He did not give a damn.

'What can you do about it?'

'You can join your dog.' she tried to threaten him, but her voice was husky.

He just laughed, reached out, and squeezed her small breasts. She screamed, and he laughed even louder.

'Just sing Wendy bird, no one cares.' he whispered into her ear, as he climbed back on her.

'Stop it now Felix, I don't want to hurt you...' she said choking back her tears.

'...but I want to hurt you.' he smelled her hair. 'You smell like an angel… but you will fall tonight, you'll be really dirty and maybe, you'll be dead, too. It depends on how good you are.'

'I am good, just let me go.' she begged. She hated herself.

'Oh, I meant… how good you are in bed… or anywhere.'

Her eyes widened with fear as he pushed his trousers down.

'This is how an angel dies.' he said, and he tried to kiss her, and when she was fighting against it he angrily bit her lower lip.

She turned her head and spat out the blood. She squeezed her eyes to get all the tears out of it, and then looked into Felix's dark eyes.

'No, this is how an angel dies.' she said. It was in her eyes.

He did not laugh. His wandering hands stopped moving. He yelped.

She imagined how she grabbed his throat. She imagined how his eyes widened with fear, how his mouth opened, trying to suck air. And as she thought about it, it happened.

Felix tried to fight. His hands were trying to reach her, but she held him away. His face became redder and redder, his saliva was drooling out of his mouth...

His heart soon stopped beating, and his inert body fell on her.

She won… and he won.

An angel definitely followed him to his death. She killed them both.

Wendy was panting heavily as she looked up to Peter's face. He was now standing there, watching her. There was delight on his face. She smiled back to him, but then... She was more than shocked when she realized what she did, the thoughts rushed her mind and made her paralyzed. She won. She won, yet it was not supposed to be a game. A life was at stake.


	4. An exchange of air

Phase the fourth - An exchange of air

'What have I done?' she started sobbing again. Peter kicked him off her, and helped her get back on her feet. He wiped the blood off her mouth with his fingers and brushed the hair out of her dirty face.

'Are you hurt?' She did not even listen to him.

'I know he would have been glad to do the same thing, but… but. That's not me. I'm not evil!'

'Is there such thing as evil? I don't think so, Wendy.'

'What I did was evil, indeed!' she said in a shrill voice. 'He was evil too, but it's no excuse. I killed an evil thing, now I am the monster and not him...'

Peter tsked.

'You are not an angel. But you are not a monster, Wendy. You are Wendy. My Wendy.' the last two words were almost inaudible. She did not even realize what he has just said, she was in panic.

'Oh, what have I done...' she could not look at Felix longer than a second, but she still glanced at him all the time.

'There are things you do, things you have done and things you are going to do. Who cares if they are good or bad. They happen anyway.'

'We are supposed to do the right things in our lives. This will lead to our happy endings.'

'You think people's main motivation is to be happy, and it can be achieved by always doing the right thing?'

'Yes.'

'So people always do the right thing?

'I think… they do if they know what is good and what is bad.'

'Then why do people eat another slice of cake when they know they will get fat? Why do they drink another glass of wine when they know that tomorrow their head will ache?'

'They don't know that it is bad.'

'Of course, they do, and they love to do it anyway. Because in the present, they know what is right for them, and what happens in the future is not important, only later. They may regret their decisions in the future, but… Here, you can do anything, because there will be no consequences. Here, only one thing is important. The present. You can always do what you want. There is neither past, nor future here, Wendy.'

He almost let Felix rape her just a minute ago, and now he comes with philosophy. She barely could look at him, so she tossed him away from herself, even if what he said made sense.

'All right, so you say that it is not the good things that make us happy, but only our temptations matter.'

'No, not necessarily by yielding to your temptations… but happiness can only be achieved by self-realization. Develop your talents, and never reject your true self.'

'I see… but… what does these things have to do with Felix and his death? What I did is still murder, a sin-'

He let go of her arm, and laughed at her.

'And who told you that? That wonderful Victorian society? Oh, the hypocrites! In your time, Britain was an Empire, wasn't it?'

She tried to say something. She wanted to prove that he was wrong.

'Yes, but-'

'Britain killed thousands of people in the name of civilizing them. Yet the society tells you that you sin if you murder one, one who may have deserved it. You killed a potential rapist. His sin would have been yours in their eyes. The society would have told you that it was a seduction. Deep down you wanted it.'

'I did not, Peter!' she almost started crying again.

'I know, Wendy. It was self-defence. Taking revenge for something he definitely wanted to do. Because I'm sure that he wanted to r-'

She screamed.

'No! I don't want to hear it. Just shut up! Please...'

He gulped. He saw how scared she was. He did not realize that how awful this whole thing was for her. He was never in that situation before, she thought. Or?

'I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, please, don't be angry.' he said and hugged her. She was surprised. He never apologized to anyone. Why was he so caring now? He was different from that boy she first met here. But she was different, too. Things do change in Neverland, after all? Strange.

'Of course it is hard for you to speak about it. I'm sorry I let him touch you. But I was there. I was watching, and I was hoping that you will stop him. And you did, Wendy. You're great.'

'It's okay… I'm fine. I'm not scared now that he is dead. He can not hurt me. I protected myself, but I am now in even greater danger. I did something that can never be undone, and that is what I don't want to hear about, Peter. Since murder is against everything that is moral.'

He shook his head.

'I just told you that those who tell you how to behave do not live by their rules, because they know that they are harmful for them. Those rules are harmful for you, Wendy. You can not be yourself if you let others tell you who to be. Why would you care about these hypocrites, after all? Why would you care about anything but your happiness?'

Wendy cast her eyes down. He gently lifted her head up, and smiled. The next moment he may kill with this beautiful hand, but now he was love and sweetness, because he was holding her. He never hurt her, not even with words since she came back. She did not have to fear him. Why not? I just don't fear him, and that is that, she thought. That is that... it was Felix who said that. He will never say anything again. Why was she happy about that?

'I see what's in your heart, Wendy, I know you understand me. You were a greater sinner when you arrived here the first time, being a hypocrite, wanting something and doing the opposite. Then you became what you wanted-'

'Are you telling me that I wanted to be a murderer? I just took two lives tonight… is it what I wanted? To kill?'

'There is time to destroy and time to create. Tonight you killed something, tomorrow you help me build something. As you did yesterday.'

She shook her head.

'Why did you let him torture me? You wanted me to kill him? Is it true what he told me? You just want to use me? To hurt me?'

'Am I using you? Hurting you?'

'Do not answer with questions, Pan. Yes, you made me kill… that is worse than Felix's… actions.'

He looked hurt. He furrowed his brows, and only asked one thing:

'Did I really hurt you?'

'My soul...'

'Your soul what? Your soul enjoyed it.'

'No.'

He shrugged.

'I did not want to kill Felix, you wanted to do it deep down. And you chose the best way to do it. Nobody could, or even dared to try killing with their thoughts on this island, Wendy. Or to do anything great. Just me, and now you.'

She blinked.

'It's your turn to be honest, Wendy. It did feel good in that moment, didn't it? He tortured you several times, called you names… touched you and abused you. Now he will never do such thing to you again, you took revenge. Without my help. You are not indebted to me. You are my equal.'

She still did not want to accept it, she hated her shadow; she detested herself, yet, by this she admitted that the shadow was her part. And he was now inside her head, with his vile dreams, that seemed more real than anything else. More real than her reality. Pan knew what was she thinking about, it was on her face, the struggle, the pain. The pain that she was not able to cry or really blame herself. It was dreadful. She felt dreadfully free.

She did not need anyone to save her. She remembered the surprise on Felix's face… her stomach trembled. Why did she enjoy this so much? She hated this feeling. A few tears run down on her dirty face, and it looked like if they were cracking a dirty mask. Peter sighed.

He kissed her hair and wiped off her hot tears with his hands that were cold as stone. It felt good. His hands were always like this, and his touch always calmed and cooled her down. It was surprising that he was gentle. She proved something to him tonight. They became equals. This gave her so much power, that she believed and forgot him everything. His soft voice crawled into her mind. She wanted and loathed him at the same time. He always wins. He always gets what he wants. But now it was what she wanted, too. And she needs him as much as he needs her. He needs her for his dream, and she needs him for hers.

Now she couldn't be morally upright. She really was a villain, and he knew it even before she became one. But what did Peter mean by that she always wanted this? Did he read her stories? But what if he didn't? How could she ask this without mentioning the stories?

'Here, one should live by following one's intuitions. It is the whole essence of Neverland. Intuition, imagination, this permanent temporality of everything. You wanted to kill him. You killed somebody now as you killed others several times before.'

'What do you mean?'

'Oh come on. You were a serial killer. Your weapon of choice was ink. You ruined families because of jealousy. Yes, I heard about Bae's past.'

'It was just a story.'

'For you.'

'Killing somebody in an imaginary world does not count.'

'Neverland is an imaginary world, too.' he replied with a smirk.

Wendy smiled. He was definitely right. But… her smile soon faltered.

'Felix was not imaginary.'

'What makes you so sure?'

'I don't know… Why, have you imagined him?'

He shook his head.

'But somebody may have done…' he said with an eloquent look.

'Oh Peter, I just don't understand you.'

'Understand this: the shadow is part of you. Accept it. You have control over it. You can do great things with it. Be proud of it!'

'No, you see how I went out of control when I… murdered him. I can not be proud of that.'

'You were perfectly aware of your actions. You remember everything.'

It was true. She could not disagree.

'Wendy… Wendy. Everybody loves destruction. They just deny it. You knew what you were doing, Wendy, you just weren't fighting against your…. unconscious. I mean… you let your shadow in. Your shadow, that already knew the way in.'

He touched her chin, and turned her head to his. She now could feel his breath on her lips. How different his touch was from Felix's. Peter was also wild. He was also evil, she thought, but his hands were clean. His face was boyish, he was a devil in the disguise of an angel. Just like her. She had to admit that.

She did not know what to think now. She unwrapped herself in her room, during the great storm, and now she was open, easy to alter. She did not build herself up yet. She was confused, and... she needed his words. Needed reassuring. His voice was so gentle, and his hands were so soft.

But still, how could she feel safe in the hands of a murderer? It seemed safer than any other place. Maybe because she was also a murderer now. And maybe because she knew he cared for her. But she still not understood completely her power. He seemed to be so excited about it. She only saw the destructive side of it. Maybe he was just using her? Did this power have a good side, as he said?

'My mother told me that the devil is handsome… and is cruel to everyone but me, if he wants something he promises everything... and says things that seem logical and good, but actually, they are not the right things.' Peter smiled. She felt weak. That smile, or rather, smirk, with his left eyebrow raised, cleared everything out of her mind.

'You believe me to be the devil?'

She sighed.

'No. Yes. No.'

He chuckled and slowly looked aside.

'I am not closer to being a devil than you are.'

She shook her head, and tried to fight him... But he did not listen to her. He grabbed her shoulders and brought her to the path leading to her dwelling in a course of a second. Oh, he was doing it again. He will leave her in a minute.

'It was a very exhausting night. You should rest. Wash yourself, try to get some sleep. And do not be sad. Please. It will start to rain again.'

She did not understand what does the rain has to do with her, but she nodded. She slowly walked back to her treehouse, but was unable to sleep. Why didn't she ask him to stay? Wendy was tossing and turning for hours, or weeks or months.

She still heard his rattling in her ears, still saw the horror in Felix's wide eyes… she sat up, looked around, tried to calm herself. He wanted to kill her. She had to protect herself, she repeated again and again, but it still could not leave her, and the feeling in her stomach, when she was stronger than him… oh she was ashamed.

She wanted to justify her act. She just protected herself... She wanted Peter to comfort her. To tell her it was the right thing to do... She tried to blame Felix. He hit her, bit her, touched her, hurt her, she still could feel her lip burning, she still felt his touch on her thighs. The coward! She did not even touch him, yet she was able to take his life. It made her shiver, yet she was somehow delighted... as if something that she already knew would have come true. She was special, after all.

'Oh Peter…' she whispered, because she really needed him. Why did he leave? He should have stayed with her, she had so many questions… and no answers.

And as she thought, he appeared. Now he did not have a forerunner. She needed only him, after all. And he was there.

'Can't sleep, Wendy?'

She pulled up her legs and lay her head on her knees.

'How could I? Everything is a nightmare here. A dreadful one, but one that I have to and... want to relive.'

'That is right. It's a dream, a nightmare sometimes, yes. Your shadow's adventures. Your imagination runs wild through the forests of Neverland. They are scary. And they are beautiful. You brought flowers here, for example.'

'And I brought death, too.'

'Yeah, death.' he smiled. 'Death. How overestimated.'

'It ends life. Of course it is. It has to be.'

'But here everything is eternal, young… he will come back somehow. Do not worry.'

'What? Than I killed him for nothing? I'm a sinner, but he is not dead. Oh, I'm a completely failure.'

Peter laughed.

'You re not. I love, though, how your biggest problem is now him coming back from dead.'

'So you knew that I can't really kill him?'

'I only know that magic here is dying. And that it won't protect us rom him.'

'Then why did you let me do it? What was the point, then?'

'I just wanted to prove you that it is not a sin at all to yield to your temptations. Bad, or good, they are all the same. Dreams. And we will soon wake up from this dream if we don't manage to make it real.'

He sighed.

Wendy nodded. It was not reality. She could do whatever she wanted. No consequences. It was not that bad after all.

'But if we make everything real before his future comeback, then he will remain as he is now.

Oh, she did not understand what he was saying... making the island real. What?

'I don't care if he really died.' she said, just to herself. Peter's face was excited, she could see it in the dark.

'And why?'

'I am better than Felix. I won.'

'You are. We are better. I am the prince of the power of the air.' he continued 'I'm the spirit in the children of disobedience. I am the mind. I bring the light so I can open your eyes. I am the consciousness in this world.'

Her eyes met his, which were bedeviling her. It was dreadfully beautiful moment.

'And who am I?' she whispered, and slowly turned her whole body to him. His words were like magic. They entirely ablazed her.

'You're the shadow that I cast. You are the soul. You are the spirit in the unruly, strong-headed girls. I am the air, you're the fire.'

'Wendy.' The way he said her name, raising his eyebrow, rounding his lips… she could not handle it. 'You're the unconscious. I have to tell you something. You are ready for it, aren't you?'

'I am.'

'You have to believe me. It may sound strange,,.'

'I want to hear it. Now I proved that I am not afraid to accept my shadow and… myself. No matter how hard is it for my mind.'

He nodded,

'You know.. Wendy.' it was hard for him to find the words, apparently. 'You're my other part, as it has been prophesized. Together we are... one. This is our home' he said, gripping her face in the vice of his hands. He was so passionate about this place, his dream.

'You made Neverland for... us? I am also in your... plan?'

'It's our world. You belong here. But... Stop denying who you are. That is the thing I hate the most.'

'I try not to. But it is hard.'

'You are special, Wendy.'

'I can't believe it.'

'Don't say that.' he said, and his hands fell off. 'If you don't believe, then... how would I expect others to believe.'

'I believe... It is not real, but… it is real for me. You are real, Peter, and it is your dream, so it is real. Or it will be real.'

'So you think you could stay here for… ever?'

'I think it is the best place to be what I really want to.' she sighed. 'Better to reign here than to serve there.' This line impressed Peter.

'I couldn't have said it better. This is the spirit I missed when I sent you back… Oh, Wendy... But now you're here, and we will make it real.' She nodded, sniffling, and wiping off some tears.

'How do you feel?'

'Terrible.' she sighed. 'Terrific.' Peter raised an eyebrow. 'Terrifying.'

Peter laughed, and fondled her hair, right behind her left ear. His frozen fingers burnt her skin where they touched it. But it was not like Felix's appalling, sweaty grip. It was His soft, sweet touch. She wanted to touch him, too, but did not know, how. She read about this, wrote about this but was unsure how to do it.

'Can I go out now that I can protect myself? I am no innocent girl from tonight.'

'When you are your shadow, when you accept your other part, you are able to anything. You can transform into Felix when we're with the Lost ones, so no one will notice it that you are here. You will be free.'

'Why can't I be free in my body?' she did not like the idea of being in his body. She just said that she would live here forever. But not like this...

He nodded.

'You'll be. One day.' she gasped. 'Shhh. Listen to me. We have to wait. There is a plan… I will tell you about it in detail later, because it is still not entirely clear for me, either. We have to play our parts in the deceitful theater of the motherworld, as I call the land where you... where I came from long ago... so we have to play our parts to finally free ourselves from them. And after that, we're truly free. But it will take a lot of hard, hard work.'

'I see.' she said, yet she did not really understand him. What plan? She did not like his secrets. She was too bound to her mind, she couldn't just rely on her beliefs, on Pan without thinking. She needed explanations, she wanted to solve problems. He told her to experience the world, not to understand it. But he understood it, why couldn't she? She wanted to understand the island as she understood her own imaginary land's rules.

'So you can come with me to the camp anytime, but only as Felix. I don't wante them to notice anything. You are not here, and he is alive. But when no one sees us, you can be in your own body. No one will notice.'

'Rufio...'

'Oh, that's right, you don't know about him… he was killed by a pirate not long ago.'

'Well… I… uh. Sorry. Sorry for not being sorry.'

He shrugged.

'I think I am.' she sighed. But he did not finish the sentence. 'I wanted to kill him myself.'

She gasped. This was not the answer she would have expected.

'He betrayed me. Don't look at me like that. You're not better than me.'

She made a face. That was right.

'At least I never called Felix my friend.'

'Have I ever called Rufio a friend? Oh no. I don't think so. I imagined this place. I do as I please. And only you are as strong as me, Wendy, so you can do whatever you want.'

'Am I Can I?'

He smiled and shook his wickedly beautiful head.

'Of course.'

'You're like a god.' she said.

'No, Wendy. I am a god. We are gods.' He gave her a long stare. He licked his lips and smirked. Oh, how irresistible it was. Wendy did not know, where to look, she felt cold, then hot. She have never felt like this. She felt an urge to do something, to hold unto something that was stronger and colder than her. She wanted to feel his cold touch, his mouth, his cruel mouth on her hot, craving lips. She wanted to heat his cold body up with her hot boy, as Neverland, and he did it with her cold soul. Suddenly she lost her mind and… what did she do? She could not believe it herself. She just... kissed him. For a scary moment, she had no control over her shadow again. She just let her shadow do what she wanted, forgetting about rules and conventions.

His lips were smooth as ice. At first he did not move, he must have been surprised. She almost pulled her head away because his motionlessness scared her… but... but then his lips melted by the touch of her hot, impatient mouth. He crawled closer to her, and his lips parted. He returned her kiss, passionately…

When she experienced moments that made the same effect on her as poetry, she had to quote. One poem unconsciously slipped into her mind, 'batter my heart… break, blow, burn and make me new' and these words echoed off the walls of her head, and she wanted it, wanted him… She wanted him to kiss her for minutes, days, or weeks, or years, but… the kiss did not last longer than a second. A very long second, but still.

'Forgive me-' Wendy gasped when he turned his head. She suddenly jumped up. 'I shouldn't have-' she mumbled. Her face was burning with shame.

'It's not you.' said Peter almost inaudibly. 'I am the problem. I don't want to stain you... I have to tell you something.' he whispered. 'You are the first one to kiss me.' she smiled, and felt calm for a second, but he saw it and impatiently waved his left hand, and shook his head. 'But it is not the first time for me to kiss a woman.'


	5. In the beginning was the word

**A/N**: Forgive me everyone but it is 1 am and I'm super tired. Write me if you see serious mistakes.

Phase the fifth - In the beginning was the word, and the word was...

'...Wendy'

'What?' she stepped a step back from him. 'I thought that I was special in your life…. You just said that we were one… then you just tossed me away. You're just playing with me...'

'No, please listen! You are, you are special! That is why I want to tell you everything-'

She furrowed her brows and gasped from a sudden realization. She held up her index finger, and pointed at him accusingly.

'Was this woman the reason you sent me away? I think I saw her once when I came here in my dreams... but her facewas painted, I could not remeber it.'

Peter nodded, staring at her. She sniffled.

'But apparently, she left you... and that is why you came back for me, isn't it? Half a loaf is better than no bread?'

'Yes and no...! Yes, I sent you back because of her, and no, you're wrong, I brought you back here because I realized that I was fooled…' he tried to touch her, but she didn't let him.

'Fooled? I thought that was impossible. Peter Pan never fails, does he?' she said bitterly. He sighed.

'I never lose wars but sometimes I lose battles. And I lost one this time. And more importantly, I almost lost you… Wendy. You have to understand… somebody I trusted, somebody who knew about this prophecy, wanted to decieve me. Wanted me to get rid of you.'

'Who?'

'Rufio, that thracian bastard.' he said with flickers of anger in his eyes. 'He brought a girl here and tried everything to see me fall. She may have had a plume on her head but you are the one who is a bird, as the prophecy said. It soon turned out that this girl had no power, no matter how hard she tried, but it was almost late.'

'What does the prophecy say exactly?'

'Well, it is not clear to me either. It is not a text. It is a lot of image and feeling, and song and smell… which is somehow interpreted by Pushan. He is not a man of words as you may have already noticed, so...'

'Who is Pushan…? I thought he was your shadow.'

'Oh, hell no, Wendy.' he shook his head laughing. 'I saved his life once, back in our land, before I created Neverland. Now he has to make my dream come true to be free of me. He is much, much more than a servant but much less than a friend. He saw a dream about me and you… and he showed it to me...'

'Can I also see it?'

'If you are ready, he will come to you, too.'

She sighed.

'So he sees the future.'

'He sees into the life of things...'

'So he sees the future?' repeated Wendy with raised eyebrows.

'Not really… at least not here. He once told me that all that will happen has already begun. I think he means that everything is a process, and if you see how a person acted all along, everything becomes predictable. He showed possible ways, I just had to interfere a bit to make sure that people were where I wanted them.'

'"He can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not…"' she said with a nostalgic smile on her face.

'Sort of.'

'It was a quote.'

'Oh, I thought so. I learned that you like quoting. You really live in stories, don't you?'

'Stories live in ME.'

Peter smiled.

'You couldn't be more right. So. The main point is that I am destined to meet my other part, and until that I will be only half a man. A boy. It was also said that I had to wait more than three thousand years to meet her, and that she will descend from the man who first set foot on my island.'

'Was it my father?' Peter nodded. 'Then how could Rufio fool you? You knew that he had no other daughters...'

'Because he was not alone when he came here. The other man died a long ago… I should have known it... but Rufio made me believe that before he died, he fathered a girl. It turned out that he did not. That's it.' his boyish ears were red. 'So the first boy. His descendant would bring a curse to the island, but she would also help me in saving it, said Pushan. And also that she will have different, but just as strong power as me. This she is you, and definitely not her.'

'What made you to believe that it was her, and not me, then?'

'She arrived the day you brought the night. I was misled. I thought she was the one. Not you. I couldn't have been more wrong, Wendy.'

'So if she was that perfect what made you to realize that you were wrong?'

He nodded impatiently.

'Oh, yes… So, you do remember every tale you told the boys, I suppose.'

'I do. Are we going to talk about my last?' It was still bothering her. She kind of confessed her love with that story and got rejected immediately.

He brought her back since then, but this wound in her heart was not healed… not yet.

'No, actually the first story… the first that was completely your invention. The story you told about a fairy. Do you remember?'

'Yes?' she sighed with relief. It was a more pleasant memory.

It was shortly after Peter told her that she had to go back to London soon. She sat down with the boys and told them that in case she couldn't say goodbye to them, she loves them, and if they love her, she will be with them even if she left.

'You told them that if they believe in you, then anything could happen. You could help them even from a far away land if they believe. And they, and more importantly, you did, so that fairy you talked about… well, she immediately arrived to Neverland.'

Wendy jerked her head up.

'What did you say?'

'You heard me, Wendy.'

'A fairy?'

'Yes.'

'What was her name?' Peter only smirked. She shook her head. 'Was it… no way.'

'Tinkerbell?' he asked, knowing that by this he drops a bomb.

She almost choked on her own saliva from excitement.

'But Peter, she can't be real, I imagined her and coined her name when Owen asked me to tell him a story...'

'I know.'

'Explain me!'

'Explain what?'

'That how can this be possible? Did she came from a place called...' she did not dare to finish. She had a very strange feeling.

'Enchanted forest?'

'Did you read my stories?' she tried to overcome them.

'I didn't. Well, I read some stories but not hers. She told me about it, so I didn't need your book, really.'

He said with his usual grin.

'Are you making fun of me?' he just chuckled 'You monster!' she cried and jumped up. He jumped up, too, suppressing a smile, holding her back.

'I'm not making fun of you! She came to this island straight after she lost her wings. You should know it better than I do. You are responsible for her fate. Who's the monster then?'

Wendy gasped and slapped him without thinking. His face was pale except for the area where her hand hit him. He closed his eyes and stood still for a long moment. Wendy pulled her hand back and sniffled. He laughed and opened his eyes.

'I haven't been slapped for a thousand years at least, Wendy. But don't be sorry.'

'I'm not.' she said with flared nostrils. 'You earned it.'

He chuckled.

'Probably yes.'

'Tell me the truth!' she said in a voice trembling with repressed anger.

'That is the truth…. Well, a truth.'

She raised an eyebrow.

'I have no time for your games. Just admit that you are trying to fool me with this… and probably with the prophecy thing.' He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer to him. His grip was not violent but she still could not move.

'Funny that you say that you don't have time for this when I waited three thousand years in complete patience for you. And I can assure you that this, or the prophecy is not a joke at all.'

'Okay, then. It's true.' she sighed. He let her go.

'What if there is another girl who is better than me? Then you send me away again?'

'There could be never another girl. It is you I searched for, there is no doubt. You are special, and I knew it the moment I saw Tinkerbell. When my blindfold fell off, I could realize that your power was different from mine. That those songs and tales were your power. That you created a world with words. Created characters that can leave that world.' he said. Wendy looked into his eyes and saw that he really meant every word. She nodded, maybe because her shadow knew that it was true. Her mind was still shouting questions.

'So she came here? You really think that I caused it? As I caused the night?'

'I do. She came here because she could not stay in her world any longer. She lost her wings because you imagined another fate for her... And you don't really control your characters. You gave them free will, didn't you?'

She made a face.

'How would characters have free will?'

'Don't believe yet, if it's better for you. Just think about it...hypothetically... What was your way? How did you have control over them? It was not much, was it?'

She shrugged.

'Well, then. After creating the basic rules, I let go of their hands and let myself to imagine their stories mostly during my seizures and maniac periods. I mainly just saw what happened and had no control over anything. If I wanted to intervene then I used a literary device. Deus ex machina. Fairies were under my errand, as in Shakespeare. Mostly Blue.'

'Yes. You see? This is how it works. She took Tinkerbell's wings and immediately banished her here.'

Wendy stared at him.

'Look. I'm not mad. The Enchanted forest is just an imaginary place. I made it up after I got home because I missed Neverland. Just to occupy my thoughts. And now you are implying that somebody who only existed in my imagination could leave that place?'

'Exactly. You see, you admitted that you have destructive power.'

'Yes, that I definitely have.' she mumbled.

'And I told you that your power has another side, too. A side that creates. And you created a world which is just as real as Neverland.'

Her shadow was laughing with delight while her mind could not accept this easily.

'No, no. It is not real at all...'

'Then Neverland is not real either?'

He got her.

'It is. You told me when I first came here that you created it and you are...'

'Just as powerful as you. I made it consciously. I knew what I was doing. You made it unconsciously. It is still just as real as mine.'

'Peter, I want to believe you... but... you know, even if it exists. Even if Tinkerbell, or some other characters are real, the land… and some particular characters... can't be as I imagined them.'

'Why? Everything you wrote down became truth.'

'Definitely not everything became true! Because in my stories Bae, and Milah, and many other people I met in real life play a great part. And I met them even before I wrote those fairy tales. But in my storybook, they really were from there, and… and-' he was nodding with an excited smile. 'Peter, you mean that I imagined them, too? That is not possible.' the last words were completely inaudible. Every strength left her legs. She had lean against him. He placed his cold hands on her hot, rosy face.

'It is. You saw them, and imagined their whole history and future. You knew that you could do it because you had already seen them.'

'It is a contradiction.'

'But it works, Wendy.'

She sighed.

'They were just dreams.'

'Neverland was just a dream. You were just a dream. But because they were my dreams, they came true. And your dreams came true, because you have equally great power. Your father also had this power but he never used it. He was afraid of everything that is… abnormal.'

She snorted.

'I know… he hated stories, mythologies, poems, novels.. he even hated theatre. He said that it was harmful. I could never go to theater after I got back from… from Neverland and… changed. But the last play I saw is still with me… "For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings, carry them here and there, jumping o'er time.."' she whispered some line from the prologue of Henry V. 'It is about powerful imagination... I want to believe you… it's just... My thoughts need encouragement, something that I can rely on.'

Peter pulled her to the other side of the room and pointed out the window.

'Have a look at her yourself then… Tinkerbell... there, see? I got her lost in the jungle, now she is walking down that path.' He put his head next to hers, his cold ear ticked her neck. She gladly followed his look but… She did not see anything but white darkness. Heavy fog. She knew that it was in her mind, and not really before her eyes. She sniffled and looked away.

'Wendy. You don't see her, do you? You see everything that I imagined, but nothing that you did. You just told me that you believe in yourself, what happened?' he tried to kiss her face but she angrily tore her arm out of his grip and turned her back on him.

'Please, don't… I believed. That was before you told me that you kissed another girl.' she said with trembling lips. Her face went redder with every second… she just wanted to hurry down the ladder, and run away from him… but...

One could not escape Pan in his own world. He disappeared from where he was before and stood in her way even before she could take any steps.

'I wish it never happened, but it had to.'

He hugged her and buried his face into her hair. She tried to push him away but he held her tightly. She could not do anything else, so she started punching his chest so hard that it must have hurt him very much. Not the physical pain she caused but the way she looked at him.

'I can't believe in me, because you could not believe in me either... you didn't want me... you wanted that girl. You were right, I'm nobody but a stupid girl with silly tales that are not real. I could not see Tinkerbell, because she is not real…!' She uttered the words with sobs. He gulped.

'I am so sorry Wendy that you suffered… I know that it was hard for you... but it had to be done. It did you good. It made you who you are now.'

'It did not do any good… I don't believe you!' as she shook her head her hot tears slapped his cold skin. It started raining outside immediately. The fog was clearing up slowly.

'Shhhh... dear Wendy, you don't have to believe me… you should rather believe in yourself. Please... I love you.' breathed Peter. She sniffled.

These words were healing her wound, but it hurt while being applied just as alcohol burns the cut skin.

'I hate you!' she hissed.

'Oh, do you, Wendy?'

She lost control over her emotions when she saw his smirk. The anger she felt, was rushing through her body, it made her feel dizzy, yet it moved her hand with such force that when she hit him... when she hit his chest again...her hand went right through his skin, found its way through his ribcage and grabbed his beating heart.

Before she could realize what she has done his hand was already on hers. He forced her to tore it out.

'See? Magic.'

They stood there for a very long moment, locking eyes and not moving their lips yet saying many things to each other. Is it true, is it true, is it true... asked her eyes, while his were smiling of course it is.

When she finally put his heart back to its place, he took a deep, relieved breath. She wrapped her arms around him and whispered:

'I love to hate you and hate to love you, but… but...'

'There's no need to say it. I know you do.' he whispered. 'Try to find her, instead. Do you see Tink?'

She slowly turned her head to look out from the window again, and now she could see a skinny girl dressed in green with a funny bun on the top of her head, the clever head she was tapped her forehead because she could finally find the path that led her back... Tinkerbell was not close to Wendy's window, but she didn't need to saw her closely. She knew well how she looked. She knew it better than anyone.

It had to be true.

'Do you believe now?'

She sighed and nodded.

'I do. But that doesn't mean that I understand a thing.'

'Then don't try to understand it.' smiled Peter.

'But you understand your world.' she said, looking up into his face.

'I do. But I need others to believe in it unless it dies. I die.' he said and hung his head.

'Is it in the prophecy? Can I help you in some way?'

He nodded.

'Only you can. Actually, you already did. You fell in love with me when you first came here, didn't you?'

Her whole face went red.

'Why?'

'I'm not making fun of you.'

'Peter...'

'Wendy, I just... I just tried to make you understand.'

'I know.' she said. She turned her back to him and slowly walked to her bed to sit down and hide her face in her hands. 'I may have felt some affection towards you... and they grew even stronger when you sent me back and never visited. I thought that you'll never feel the same way towards me, but I still could not let you and this land go. I almost immediately felt what you just realized later, that I truly belong to you. And it was very shocking to me as a 13 year old child...' she said in a husky voice. 'And I was right, you were kissing with... another girl while I was suffering… Everybody was free while I was locked up. They slowly took away my books, then they took away my writings so they took away everything… I left them because I did not want to grow up but then they left me... so I had to grow up, and-' the rest was inaudible. He sat down next to her and kissed into her hair.

'There, there. You did not grow up. You did mature, though. You dared to become who you wanted. Don't forget it just because they… your parents, your therapists tried to dry you out. You were tested, but you will get your prize.' he said in an unusually kind tone, and pulled her closer to him. 'You know, I have to admit something. I myself felt that you were special, but I just refused to feel it. I sent you back because it was easier to believe that a seemingly loud, arrogant, boyish, wicked girl was my other part. Rufio knew me. He knew what I wanted to see. I thought that it is okay to control everything. This is how I used to do my things. You confused me. You were like a little bird, soft and gentle… not something I could deal with. I realized only later that you can bite... and you have sharp claws. And, more importantly, that your voice and songs are real power. She was all bark no bite, she had no power to be proud of. Yet you just whispered some words and a whole world appeared out of nowhere.'

Wendy felt how her strength crept back into her body though her ears with his gentle words. She slowly laid her head on his shoulder and breathed in the smell of his neck's soft skin. She could hear his heart beating… the heart she has just touched not long ago. It seems it was not only her hands that made their way through his armour. 'I almost lost everything… you, Wendy. I did not believe in you. I had to see evidence to believe, which is the most pathetic thing in my eyes.' he said and kissed her ear, her face, her nose, her lips. She beamed at him with tears in her eyes. He was as kind now as cruel he was back then, when he tossed her away and said nothing. 'I laughed at your feelings, and was so full of myself. I thought I found the right one in her... but when you left, and I realized who she was and who you really were, I felt… fear. Fear of not being able to get you back again. The realization hit me. I really was like a character from your story, the boy who did not know what true love was even if it was before his eyes.' She blinked, but said nothing. She had a feeling… maybe she caused this feeling with her power? Maybe it was not real, either? She looked into his eyes. Oh no… she would not have power over him… they are said to be equally powerful. He continued. 'This whole thing made you suffer, and no matter how essential it was for creating your world, it still tormented you. Can you forgive me?'

She nodded.

'It's okay.' she sniffled and rubbed her eyes. 'I forgive you. But I also need evidence, even if it is pathetic. Can you explain me something?'

'Anything.'

'You said that Bae and Milah, and everyone… they were also my creations.' He nodded.

'How could I create a world that has history? History that goes back to even before my birthdate?'

He shrugged.

'It is the only way to create history, Wendy. By seeing some… evidences, and trying to create your own picture from the past… few hundred years and everything is just a story.'

She blinked.

'You know, when I was there in the Enchanted forest, I saw that-'

'You did what? You visited my world?'

'Of course I did. Even before you were born. If that doesn't prove that you are a real miracle, then I don't know what should I say.'

'Then do tell me about it, Peter!'

'Later.'

'Why? You can't possibly have more important things to do than that!'

'Oh believe me when I say… I can.'

'Like what?' she said very crossly.

'For example...'

He said and suddenly… Peter kissed her, and all the worlds, whether they were real worlds or not, were gone. There was nothing and nobody, just the two of them, and their hearts... racing as one.


End file.
